Homosuperiority
by MzViolet
Summary: Zim proves to the human race that he is SO much better than the rest of the planet by......coming out of the closet? Onnie.


P-sama: Hey! My first IZ story published. Everybody CHEER NOW!

Disclaimer: Pig doesn't own Invader Zim!

* * *

His eyes twitched.

Partly in anticipation of the bell that was scheduled to ring in due time, partly because his stupid contacts itched like crazy, but mostly because he was just insane, and his eye always did that.

Teeth gritted, he scraped at the desk he was assigned to with gloved claws.

"_Stupid human time-telling machine! WHY WILL YOU NOT DO AS I SAY?!"_ he thought angrily.

The lunch bell was close to ringing, and Zim wanted to go NOW. It wasn't as if he WANTED to go eat lunch, especially because of the fact that this crud humans called "food" was mostly disgusting, and he could barely down it. (And, the last food fight had almost sent him to a trauma ward).

No, what he needed was a break from having to stare at the hideous, wrinkly human called Bitters who was ranting in front of the class all day. Her armpit sweat was beginning to make him heave. I mean when you can SEE the stains, it just gets nasty.

On top of that, he had an atrocious wedgie that seemed to come out of nowhere, and he couldn't just stand up and scratch it in front of the class! He twitched uncomfortably in his seat. He _hated _human underwear. But after that incident in gym class, he was now required to wearr it everyday. He din't see a point in the stuff, all it did was hitch up on him and get dirty!

At last, the bell rang, and Zim leaped up and ran from the class, so he could take care of that wedge in the hall before anyone saw him.

--

As he sat at lunch, his antennas picked up a conversation that was happening between some female humans at the table next to him.

"Haha, that Dib kid? He is _so_ gay!" he heard one of them say, as the others laughed.

Zim wondered what that word meant, "gay". He decided, beyond his better judgment, to ask the Dib-monkey, since he seemed to be an expert on this "gay" business.

He walked over to Dib's table, where he was sitting alone, except for the creepy Gaz-female who sat on the other side of the table, staring mindlessly into her game-machine.

"YOU!" Zim shouted, leaning across the table and poking Dib in the nose.

Dib swallowed a bite of beans and looked at Zim.

"Here to ruin my day, I suppose?"

"PERHAPS!" Zim shouted (again), pointing at the ceiling for no apparent reason. Zim enjoyed pointing at things, because pointing made him feel quite important.

Dib, on the other hand, was tired and in no mood for Zim. "Well, you might as well get on with it then."

"Fine." Zim stated, plopping his Irken behind on the table bench.

"From my observations, I have come to a conclusion that the lanky females at the table over there have come to their OWN conclusion that you are a word they call 'gay'."

"_Stupid preps…"_ Dib thought.

"IF-" Zim paused for emphasis. "IF you were to explain to me what this ritual was, I WILL MAKE YOUR DIMISE LESS PAINFUL!"

Dib just stared. _"Zim doesn't know what gay means?"_ he though to himself. And then, inside his big head, Dib's brain hatched a horrible, horrible idea.

"Oh, yes." He began, trying to keep a strait face. " 'Gay' is the human word for a being that is….extremely more superior to any other beings!"

"I see!" Zim said, rubbing his chin. He looked at Dib, then over at Gaz, then back at Dib again. And his OWN brain hatched an idea even worse than Dib's.

"_Humans ARE stupid! Dubbing the Dib-stink superior instead of me! Well, I shall show them! I SHALL SHOW THEM WELL!"_

"I AM LEAVING!" He shouted, storming out of the lunchroom, on his way to the front office.

--

Once at office, which was a stenchy, grey place, he was faced with the task of getting rid of the fat human whose name tag read "Assistant" Having no idea what to do, he simply whacked her upside the face with her desk lamp, and tossed the body out the window.

"Another problem solved by my amazing intellect!" Zim said, clapping for himself.

He sat in the chair in front to the desk and reached for the intercom microphone. But alas, the Irken's small stature kept him front reaching it.

Frustrated, he simply sat on the desk and picked up the mic, pressing the intercom's "On" button.

"Attention! Attention all people of this….SKOOL!" Zim began, in his best "commander" voice.

"It has come to my attention that I, the great ZIM, have not been greeted properly! And since I am so much better, AND so much more attractive then the rest of you skunk-bags, I am announcing the obvious fact that I am GAY!"

Zim paused for suspense again, and then continued on his rant.

"SO! Now you know that an extremely gay person walks among you! Feel honored! FEEL HONORED YOU FOOLS! That will be all."

Zim pressed the "Off" button, feeling quite satisfied with himself.

His work here was done.

* * *

P-sama: Welp, That's about it! Thanks bunches for reading! Thanks more bunches to my friend Jake (Who is gay in the superior way and gay in the gay way), who helped me come up with this idea my giving me a bit of plot basis by making an offhand comment! Believe it or not, a lot of my stories begin like this. Cheers!


End file.
